Disgruntled Dad

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I should have seen this coming…

Susie: Stop sending mom rude emails

Me: Nothing I have emailed your mother was rude.

Susie: Ok dad.

Me: This is between me and your mother. Sorry she brought you into it. Love you.

Susie: no it’s not. It’s MY dancing. You went to court lol. You have to pay.

***

I didn’t write her back. I’ve learned that Gertrude usually shares her emails with Susie so I make a point to always be polite when emailing her. One thing I’ve never done is talk to my daughter about any issues I have with her mother. Her mother involving her is making it really difficult to keep a healthy relationship with Susie. Why does she do this? It’s a cycle. Gertrude doesn’t get what she wants, so she uses Susie against me. I want to tell my daughter, “Don’t make your mother’s problems our problems.” but that would just be involving her more. I’ve never had a 1on1 issue with my daughter. Every time we’ve ever had relationship issues, they’ve always been started by her mother. Her mother either saying something negative about me or she’ll share information with her that isn’t appropriate for a teenager. It’s been 2 days since I’ve heard from Susie and she won’t answer my messages or phone calls. I just hope this passes soon. It’s not fun.

It never ends…

Gertrude: I enrolled Susie in another dance program. Contact the instructor and pay her.

Me: Whoa, wait a second. Didn’t I just pay all her dance fees a few weeks ago?

Gertrude: This is a 2nd dance program. I don’t need your permission to enroll Susie in anything.

Me: Well if I’m expected to pay for it you sure do. I need to be involved in the decision for anything that I’m expected to pay for.

Gertrude: Just pay the fees. I’ll pay $25 of it. (About 20%)

Me: Since I know this is important to Susie, I’m willing to go 50/50 on this.

Gertrude: I know you make more money now and you should pay this.

Me: Well, you never asked me beforehand but I’m still willing to go 50/50. I think that’s fair.

Gertrude: Never mind, it’s taken care of.

****

I’m really trying here. So she’s telling me pay 80% or nothing? She wouldn’t even accept my 50%? Who wants to bet I receive a letter from her lawyer in the mail within the next few weeks? I wish this wasn’t always about money. She only ever contacts me about money. Never about how Susie is doing in school or anything else.

You can’t get much lower than this…

In my opinion, you can’t get much lower than degrading another parent in front of your own child. I’m blown away. I received some text messages from my daughter today. They read like this:

  • "You’ve owed mom money for years. So what goes around comes around."
  • "Mom told me that you cheated on her."
  • "I’ll realize when I get older how much of a jerk you are."
  • "Mom told me you got thrown in the drunk tank when you were younger."
  • "How about when you didn’t talk to me for a year because you needed a break?"

All of these statements are flat-out lies or halve truths that occurred over 11 years ago. Nonetheless, why is Gertrude discussing inappropriate things with Susie? It’s a deliberate attempt by her mother to undermine my relationship with my daughter. In all of my years I have never uttered a single bad word about Gertrude in front of Susie. I only wish she had the same respect for me. Everyone tells me that Susie will realize what’s going on when she gets older. I can only hope that’s how it actually works out. I love my daughter more than anything and I only want what’s best for her.

Parental Alienation is a serious problem. Here is a link to some information.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation

Oct 9

Just when I thought it was all over…

It’s literally been 3 weeks since I signed my new agreement with Gertrude that TRIPLED her support payments and I just received this email from her threatening yet another increase, (I’m paraphrasing) “I just received your new income documents…..the child support will increase 60-70 dollars per month.”

I’m dumbfounded. My lawyer tells me that this is completely out of the ordinary and he’s not sure why Gertrude is being so aggressive. Normally when parents work out a support order, it stays in place indefinitely until one of the parties has a sizeable change in their income. I can only assume since Gertrude has never held a steady job for any significant amount of time that I am partially supporting her as well as my daughter. Susie’s quality of life hasn’t changed whatsoever, even after my support payments to her mother have tripled. I thought this was supposed to be child support, not alimony.

Here we go again…

Sep 6

Pay me or else…

Today my lawyer received a letter in the mail from Gertrude’s lawyer outlining her demands. She’s requesting a 3-fold increase in child support payments, along with a substantial extra monthly payment to cover Susie’s extra-curricular activities. The child support increase is not in question; child support laws are very clear in that regard. However the amount that she is requesting up and above the base amount is grossly inflated. It’s become obvious at this point that she’s simply trying to get the maximum amount she can from me each month with no regard for Susie’s actual needs. I’ve become just a paycheque to her. All of this when I have been voluntary providing additional support for many years. I have never denied Gertrude’s request for extra money, not once. So what gives?

Since the extra curricular amount Gertrude is demanding was not an accurate reflection of what Susie needed, we attempted to negotiate a fair amount. Gertrude’s response was that I either pay the proposed amount or she would pursue 7 years of retro-active back child support in court. I’m literally speechless at this point. Isn’t this extortion? Under duress and not wanting to go to court, I begrudgingly gave in to her demands and signed the agreement. You might think this would be the end of everything. Not even close…

Now it’s time for you to struggle…

When I heard those 7 words I there was no doubt in my mind that she had an agenda…

I came home for lunch today and in my mail I find a registered letter from a law firm in my hometown. I am genuinely confused. My first thought was that this might be a request for information or maybe a summons for someone’s court case. I open the envelope and find a letter from a lawyer that starts off, “I have met with Gertrude in order to discuss child support and special expenses payable for the maintenance of your daughter, Susie.” I continued reading the letter, “Gertrude could seek retroactive pay based on the fact that your income has increased from the amount used to set the support in 2003, yet she has chosen not to go that route at this time, and reserves the right to do so.”

With no forewarning whatsoever, I have just received a letter threatening to take me to court for more financial support. To make matters worse, even though I have been voluntarily providing extra support for years, she has threatened me with retroactive support since I haven’t been paying the “maximum amount” required by law since our last agreement.

I called Gertrude and actually kept my composure. I asked her why she would do this without calling me and working something out first. She kept responding, “I just want what I am ENTITLED to.” I asked her if we could drop the legal proceedings and work something out between us. She told me no. And then I’ll never forget what she said next, “I’ve had to struggle for years, now it’s time for YOU to struggle.”

Did I just hear what I think I heard? All these years of working together and doing the right thing for Susie, only to be threatened with being dragged through the courts? I hung up and called my lawyer. You’ll never guess what happened next…